What’s Dating Culture like in China?
Ever wonder how dating in China as a foreigner, dating culture and dating apps in China is like? Experiencing the local dating culture can be one of the most fascinating parts of living abroad. With the rising popularity of C-dramas, you might have already caught glimpses of romance in China. But real-life dating can look a lot different than the dramatic confessions and the perfectly timed rain you see on-screen. Dating culture in China is both modern and heavily rooted in tradition. For us foreigners, especially if you come from a non-Asian country, exploring this part of life in China will be very interesting (and challenging!)
Dating Steps
In many Western countries, getting into a relationship usually follow this sequence:
- Step 1: Meeting – This could happen through friends, at work, or on dating apps. You might even start as friends before deciding to take things further. But this step is where you’ve both decided you want to explore a relationship beyond friendship.
- Step 2: Dating – If the first date goes well, you’ll be in a dating stage that can last weeks or even months. This is the time where two people test their compatibility without the official label of being a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.”
- Step 3: In a Relationship – Once both sides agree, you can finally make it official and change your Facebook status. At this point, you have responsibilities of being someone’s romantic partner and exclusivity is usually expected.
In contrast, dating in China usually just skips over the dating stage. The idea of casually dating without commitment is much less common. Instead, once you’ve been on a date or two and you like each other, it’s simply assumed that you’re now together. No complicated conversations about “defining the relationship”, it just happens.
“Going After” Someone
In China, asking someone to be your boyfriend or girlfriend can feel a bit like old-fashioned courtship. Instead of a “talking” or “dating phase”, there’s often a period of actively “going after” someone. Material gestures are seen as a way of expressing affection, sometimes even involving luxury brands. A guy may also need to demonstrate to the girl’s family that he can provide a good home and stability. Of course, money doesn’t buy love, and many girls don’t expect pricey presents, but it’s still typical for a guy to show his interest through thoughtful gifts, whether small tokens or more extravagant surprises.
Competing for the Same Person
Sometimes, multiple friends can be interested in the same person at the same time. In the West, this can cause tension or even end friendships. In China, however, it’s accepted for friends to openly compete to win someone’s attention. It might be strange if you’re not used to it, but it’s part of the local dating dynamic.
China Dating Apps
While traditional values remain strong, dating in China has also modernized. Apps like Tantan and Momo have become popular ways for people to meet. They add a new dimension to Chinese dating culture, blending old expectations with new technology.
With so many dating apps out there, it’s hard to know where to start. But we’ve got you covered. Whether you’re looking to date locals or fellow foreigners, here are some apps you can try in China:
| App | How to Find Matches | Who’s On it | Foreigner-Friendly? |
| Tinder | Swipe-based matching | Expats, English-speaking locals, travelers | Yes! (English-friendly) |
| Tantan | Swipe-based matching | Young locals (18-30) | Translates to English |
| Soul | Anonymous personality-based matching | Mostly Gen Z | Yes, if you speak Chinese |
| Momo | Match by doing social activities together | Locals and extroverts | Yes, if you speak Chinese |
| Xiaohongshu | Through lifestyle content and networking | Mostly urban women and influencers | Automatic comment translation |
| You can use “People Nearby” feature | Everyone in China | The possibility here is endless |
Dating with Marriage in Mind
In the West, dating can be experimental or simply about enjoying the moment. This is often not the case in China. There is a strong social pressure to settle down, so relationships can get serious very quickly. You might end up talking about marriage or children as early as the first date. This is because there is a strong social pressure to settle down. Parents often arrange blind dates for their children or visit “marriage markets” to help find a good match. Parental approval also plays a huge role in whether or not a relationship can continue, as the idea of “casual dating” is frowned upon by many parents.
Displays of Affection
Relationships come with a set of responsibilities to publicly act as a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”. Many Chinese couples show off their relationship by wearing matching clothes (also known as 情侣装 qínglǚ zhuāng), or having matching keychains and phone cases. Men also like to “take care” of their girlfriends by carrying shopping bags or holding her handbags. Beyond public affection, phone sharing (or looking at each other’s phones) is also seen as a normal thing. Not as a sign of distrust, but a part of being in a relationship.
For foreigners who prefer independence, this level of involvement can feel invasive, but others will appreciate the attentiveness that comes with it. It really depends on personal preference.
Who Pays?
Paying the bill in China can turn into a game of tug-of-war, with both sides politely insisting to cover the bill. In more traditional relationships, though, it’s expected that the man pays. Some women may offer, but it usually turns into a playful back-and forth rather than splitting evenly.
In the West, it is becoming common for couples to split the bill right away, but this is not the case in China. There is no in-between, either you’re both locked in a battle over who pays, or the man covers it, especially early in the relationship.
Multiple “Valentine’s Days”
Unlike the one Valentine’s Day in the West, Chinese people celebrate several throughout the year, here are the dates to celebrate love in China:
- 14/2: Valentine’s Day (情人节, qíngrén jié)
- 14/3: White Valentine’s Day (白色情人节, báisè qíngrén jié)
- 20/5: 520, wǔ’èr líng
- 20/8: Qi Xi Festival (七夕节, qīxì jié)
- 15th Day in Lunar Year: The Lantern Festival (元宵节, yuánxiāo jié)
Couples often exchange gifts on these occasions, making romance a recurring theme throughout the year.
Conclusion
To sum it up, dating in China can move very quickly, often skipping the casual “getting to know you” stage that’s common in the West. From the very beginning, there are clear expectations and unspoken rules, whether it’s who pays for dinner, how soon marriage is discussed, or the importance of family approval.
Relationships come with an early sense of responsibility and commitment, shaped by both tradition and modern pressures. For foreigners, this can feel intense at first, but it also offers a unique opportunity for you to experience Chinese values around love and family.
Move to China
Considering a move to China? Whether you’re drawn by world-class academic opportunities, a dynamic career market, or rich cultural experiences, navigating Chinese visa and immigration procedures can be complex. You can seek ApplyforChina for advice and guidance.